Okay, we are planning to bring in another teenager. We need to make room. What does that look like for us? How can we prepare so that this is good for everyone?

Life is kind of like a big house filled with rooms. And each room is filled with a certain number of things that require energy and time from us.

Responsibilities. Needs. Appointments. Relationships. Hobbies. Chores. Errands. Commitments. Work. Rest.

We go through life filling rooms, and emptying them when we must. We add a new thing to life. Or we remove something from it. We only have so much time and we only have so much energy. We need to budget and spend wisely. When a new thing comes in, sometimes it means other things have to go. Sometimes it just means organizing it all better.

I am the kind of person who needs a lot of margin in life. I don’t like anything bursting at the seams. I love being busy and active and a lot of variety and movement in a day. But I also have margins that are very important to me that I keep open. I have quiet time with the Lord every day. I listen to audio books to unwind. I get in bed early and read every night before sleep. I get at least one whole day a week that is relatively empty and quiet.

These things are very important to me.

So I am always tossing things that are less important for things that are important to me. I like it this way. It makes me feel healthy and balanced.

In truth, it has been a very difficult and confusing decision, whether or not to adopt again. Jack’s needs from seem to consume all of our energy. How can we have more for another one? And one that will likely have special needs of her own? Jack has already challenged me greatly, encroaching on my previously very wide and carefully carved-out margins. That’s what kids do, don’t they? They fill up your world, and margin can be hard to find or create. I have become so much less selfish since my boy came into my life. I like that a lot.

Balance is being achieved. He is feeling safer and safer with us. He calls us mom and dad now. He trusts us, and is finding more and more rest in our authority and the boundaries we have set for him. We have showed him the difference between threatening authority and healthy good authority. He is relaxing in this.

This, along with the educational support we are receiving from Huntington, and the margins are clearing again. The relief was so wonderful that we were concerned about adding another one anyway! Now that we had peace and rest and margin returning to our lives, why ruin that? Why fill that room up with something else?

But we feel called to this way of life now. Was it all just for Jack? Or are there more for us out there? And if so, when? Now or later? So many questions.

I felt pregnant with Jack, have I mentioned that before?

My soul and spirit went through all the same stages that my body and soul went through when I was pregnant with Jadon. I felt something shift and change inside of me in the early part of 2017. I felt it change me, swell inside of me. I felt the words in my soul, a child is coming. This was like finding out I was pregnant.

Then a few months later, it got stronger. It was growing within me, and I felt the quickening. A fluttering of life. And just like with an actual pregnancy, it was happening only to me. I was telling Jesse what was happening, but he was not experiencing any of it personally yet. The man only experiences it from the outside. But we mothers, it is happening inside of us. We know this person differently, internally, we know the process so intimately, so much more fully. I have heard it said that the woman becomes a mother at conception, but often the man doesn’t really become a father until he holds the baby for the first time. This is different for every man, of course, but the truth remains. Holding it inside is a whole different experience. Only the woman knows what this experience is like. It is exquisite.

Then, about seven months in, there was a strong urge to start nesting. At this point, we knew the gender. God had told us he was giving us another boy. And I began preparing for him, getting his room ready, planning the things we would do with him and for him. I nested and nested.

Then there was the moment we first saw him, heard his name, read about him. This was like having an ultrasound. The first glimpse, so close yet still so far away.

And then the day we got to meet him. This was like the day of his birth into our world.

And the day he moved in, was like coming home from the hospital, this new person now a member of the physical family.

So when Jesse says to me, are you sure we can do this? Are you sure we should risk adding this third child into our family? We are just feeing that margin really return into our lives, do we risk losing that again?

I tell him,

Babe, I felt pregnant with Jack. I knew it in my bones, in my soul, in my very core being. I was pregnant with him. I knew he was coming, without a doubt, as much as a pregnant woman knows she will be giving birth one day.

So now, no I don’t know exactly how long this pregnancy will be, I do not know the due date. But I do know, I feel the same exact way. I feel pregnant with this one. Just as I did with my other two.

It is the same. I felt it in my core, a shift, a change. I’m pregnant again.

Then I felt it swell and grow within me.

Then the quickening.

Then the gender reveal. It’s a girl this time. A girl!

Now the nesting has begun.

I do not know exactly who she will be. I do not know exactly when she will arrive. But I do know, she is coming.

But there does need to be a shift in our priorities. Some things need to be moved around. Because margin is a necessity for us.

We always make room for the things that are most important to us. By removing things that pale in comparison. Busy is not a word I use to describe my life when people ask how I’ve been. Words like peaceful and relaxing and wonderful are the ones I like to use. Of course I have busy days, but there is always a resting point planned at the end.

So how do we make room, when God asks us to do something? When we are pregnant with a new thing that we know we must create space for in our time and energy?

First, we start by letting God lead the way. He will help navigate every detail. Then we proceed by making sure the things that should be at the top of the list are there.

1: Important relationships, with God, family, and friends. There needs to be enough time and energy for these. If there isn’t, then you know things are already out of order.

2: Next, I believe, comes your personal health. Enough time, space and energy to be eating and drinking properly. This includes planning and preparing wholesome balanced diet. Then exercise and movement every day. Then adequate rest, for the body, mind, and spirit. Enough sleep, but also periods of rest in between to recharge and heal when needed. Such as a quiet hour reading on the deck, getting a massage, or doing something else that brings rest to your body or soul.

After this, things get much more open to differing in our personal lives. For my husband, the next thing on his list is his work, making sure his family is provided for. This is common for a lot of men. While for me, the next thing on the list is the kids’ schedules (my work). Making sure everyone is where they need to be, gets what they need. For others it may be a ministry, or something else entirely.

As long as the things that are most important remain on top of the list, and you make sure you know where your stopping point is, exactly how much margin you want or need on the other end, so there is an end to your busy-ness at certain points, time and energy reserved for complete emptiness or a hobby or relaxation… Then the large space in between these two bookends is open for all the other things we may need or want to fill it with. And these are the things that can be tossed in and out, moved around and repositioned to make it all work.

To make room, for us, this time, means that we are adding something to the top of our list. A new person, a new relationship of high priority. I am adding a new schedule to my life that I will need to help this new person manage. Extra homework. Extra deep talks. Extra shopping trips. Extra love and quality time. Extra energy poured out to shape and guide and parent a new life entrusted to us.

And as long as I keep some margin open, I am willing to let go of other things that will make this possible.

Because I am pregnant with her. Perhaps not in my body. But in my soul. In my spirit. And that means that a birthing is going to take place.

So I am making room.

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