My mind has been doing a funny thing for the past few days. It has been stirred up into a chaotic state of emotionality, something a bit less common for me and very much unwelcome. I tend to live primarily in the world of reason and logic, peaceful and relatively drama free. If I think that logically something shouldn’t upset me then I simply decide that it doesn’t and that’s that.

But when it comes to certain old wounds or certain people that have a long history of hurting me (even if it is unintentional) every once in awhile I fall into this state of being quite ill with pain that renders me unable to eat. All I can do is alternate between devastated crying, angry ranting, and finally falling into a surrendered state of sitting and staring, completely emotionally drained. I’ve made several turns through this cycle over the past three days.

Which is why I couldn’t write this morning, because I was in the middle of devastated crying which then shifted to angry ranting and no one wants to hear any of that. But now I have reached the surrendered state of sitting and staring, completely emotionally drained once again, which is a safe place to write from because it will not include things like whining or a hit list with one name on it.

Have you ever seen that movie Envy with Ben Stiller and Jack Black? It’s about this invention that one of them (Black) creates which makes poop disappear and the other one (Stiller) is consumed with envy at his friend’s sudden overnight success over this stupid invention.

But in time the environmentalists get all stirred up and begin picketing, demanding in their chant: “Where does the shit go? We wanna know!”

As the angry picketers in the movie have so shrewdly pointed out, it can’t just disappear. And if you use a method that does seem to make it magically disappear, you should be very suspicious of where it actually went because it simply can’t be that easy.

It has to go somewhere.

 

I have noticed that emotional pains are like those viruses that get into your system and can go completely undetected for years until one day something triggers it and it takes you by storm. We may even think something is totally dealt with, in the past, forgotten, and then one day something happens that stirs it up like it happened yesterday, fully equipped with a bullet-pointed list of the exact details of the offense.

Because after we get hurt there is shit left over. Residue. And it has to go somewhere. Until we are ready or able to deal with it, it can settle down into a quiet corner of the soul and wait patiently for the day it gets kicked alive and reminds you it has been there all along.

When this happens it takes on the form of flu-like symptoms. The feelings rise up in you like emotional nausea until you cannot take it anymore and you vomit them out. You may scream, cry, shout, write, or beat up a pillow, and every minute of it you are thinking I hate this, it feels terrible, I am miserable with this but you know it has to come out. And afterward you get that immediate relief that comes after vomiting. A calm overtakes you and the nausea may even subside for awhile. But then a little while later it starts rising up again. And the cycle begins all over. Soon you will need to purge again. And this is the cycle that takes place in your body when you are ill, and in your soul when you are in emotional pain:

nausea

purge

relief

nausea

purge

relief

 

This is detox. It must take place if there is something toxic in us and if it never does then the toxin will always be in us because the shit doesn’t just disappear: It has to go somewhere. And this detox has to keep happening until all the “virus” is expelled and your emotional system has built a new level of immunity (strength) for battling with it. Sometimes it goes away for awhile and then comes back up days, weeks, months, or even years later. But don’t be fooled into thinking the shit just disappears. It has to move from inside to outside and the transition is never pretty.

I once read a story about the guy who created the Bragg’s brand. He was a very sickly kid and received mercury injections during childhood thanks to the idiotically misguided evolving ideas of the great medical system. Anyway, he got smarter as he got older and started implementing natural healing methods. He got stronger and stronger, healthier and healthier, became a well-known athlete that did crazy things like swim across channels and stuff. Anyway, as the story goes, after years and years of being in his peak health he was on some excursion alone with a canoe in the wilderness when suddenly he got this intense cramping in his gut. He quickly went ashore where he passed a quarter cup of liquid mercury from his bowels! See, that mercury was always still in his body. Why? Because to pass it out, to detox it, could have killed him at another time of his life, when his body and immune system were weaker. His body had to be strong enough to handle the detox. To move that poison from the dormant places in his body where it was hiding to one concentrated place, and then ultimately to the outside, where it would never harm him again.

Where does the shit go? It hides. It waits. Until the right time to be released.

If it doesn’t get triggered on it’s own, there are things you can do to help it come up and out, like fasting.

Where does the shit go? It’s in there, dormant, waiting for the day you are strong enough to battle through the detox.

 

 

 

 

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